I’ve never really known how to feel about Halloween and Día de los Muertos. Growing up, my mom had a bit of an "other-ness vs. oneness" perspective—if you know what I mean—and she really wasn't a fan of these holidays. Because of that, I always felt pretty conflicted and disconnected from the fun. I just couldn't fully enjoy myself. I think I was taking on her fear a little bit because I’m very empathetic.
When I became a parent, I wanted to stay neutral. I really didn't want my daughters carrying the same emotional baggage around these holidays that I did. Even though I think I did a good job of not passing on the fear to the next generation, I still felt like I was missing out.
This year, though, I have a chance to dig into those feelings a little deeper. I’ve been asked to play a set for a sober adult Halloween event here in Albuquerque. I’m really hoping that preparing for this performance will help me process some of these old feelings and maybe even find a little healing. I’m excited to embrace the chance to make music that doesn't have to fit a restaurant or bar vibe—I really want to explore some darker sound possibilities.
I’m planning to stream the performance to Facebook and put it on my YouTube channel, so please keep an ear out for it!
I really wish I could just shake off the fear I’ve been carrying around unconsciously. Some of it was passed down to me, some I created myself, and some just comes from living in this world with a bad case of debilitating anxiety. But hey... what about the fun? It’s supposed to be fun, right? Or, wait. Maybe "fun" isn't the right word. Perhaps it is truly about moving a bit nearer to accepting death—accompanied by a touch of enjoyment, simply for the sake of fun.